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The word resolution has to be the most common verbiage used during the first week of the New Year. Life experiences have taught me not to take any effort to make new resolutions, as my old ones are still pending and never renewed. The past few days I have come across resolutions from bloggers, friends and strangers. There is no dearth in creativity and imagination that goes into making resolutions.

2010 just might see people skinny dipping, watching a play, getting married, hiking, reading, playing with children, taking a vacation, job change, standing up to bullies and more. Almost forgot the most important one without which resolutions would be meaningless, weight loss. I saw a few resolutions which said, “Find Love.” Perturbed how one can make such a resolution, I decided to look up the word meaning for resolution.
(source: dictionary.reference)
res•o•lu•tion (rěz’ə-lōō’shən)
The state or quality of being resolute; firm determination.
A resolving to do something.
A course of action determined or decided on.

I still fail to understand how you can –
a) be resolute/ have firm determination on finding love
b) resolve to fall in love
c) have a course of action determined by which you find love

Clearly all the ‘find love’ resolutions can’t all be love from a puppy or a kid. Find love spells more like the shampoo on the back row of the hair product shelf at the store, which if you are like me can’t reach. Enlighten me, on how the hell you find love.

If you are at Hard Rock, do you eye a potential, down shots, flutter your eyelids and make drunken sexy conversation?
If you at a grocery store, do you eye a potential and accidental bump your trolley into his?
If you are at a bookstore, do you eye a potential, stand next to him and pull out the same copy of the book he is holding?

Maybe I’m a clichéd romantic in my inner monologues to think that love finds you and not the other way around.

Find love just has to be the most over hyped, unrealistic resolution ever!


The Facebook Fiasco

New social encounters usually end with, “Hey, I’m on Facebook, will add you on.”
“Are you on Facebook/Twitter?” makes the cut as this century’s redundant question. Rule of thumb, anyone who has access to the internet has been bitten by the online social networking bug.

Facebook envisages you ‘to connect and share with the people in your life’. There is no love loss adhering to Facebook’s vision. This noble thought is many a time responsible for changing your privacy setting often from prying eyes of your grandparents, cousins whom you have conveniently lied to, those you never want to meet, parents, professional friends, pseudo friends. Facebook has successfully embraced all ages. Infact when it comes to the sub continent, there is just too much of connecting and sharing.

I was a Facebook junkie. My day began with a cup of kapi (coffee) and logging to Facebook. After checking my page, it’s straight to the live feed section. The live feed as the name suggests is an overdose of information. The live feed brims of status updates, wall posts from friend of a friend who forgot to set his/her privacy setting, photo albums, application messages, updates and the virus more deadly than Ebola, Farmville updates.

As a country that thrives on voyeurism, there is no surprise that people enjoy sieving through the live feed. The honeymoon with live feed section and eventually Facebook does end due to the nature of information that hits your sensory sources.

There is no shortage to status updates on these lines,

“Thanks honey for the amazing candle light dinner”
“Yay! Going to Greece again for two weeks. Ciao soon”
“We are standing next to the statue of liberty”
“Fingers crossed for my second promotion this year”

There is a trend in the way status messages are written. Most of them echo a pseudo, complete show off, fairy tale, yet extremely vital to human sustenance tone.

There are wall posts from a friend of a friend who didn’t meddle with the privacy setting. These wall posts often echo good times only.

“Where were you? Me, neha, Arathi, Rahul and the gang went out. Missed u. Hugs”
“Damn! You missed it, you should have come ya”
“We had such an awesome time in Hardrock”

Facebook does take care of those who aren’t camera shy and loves to upload every picture they possible have and actually have the patience to sit and tag each picture. Everybody loves pictures. Even if a single album contains nearly 250 pictures titled, ‘Night Out’, ‘I love my work’, ‘Weekend’, ‘Me’. Yes, the ‘me’ category is predominant.

Application updates are a sore for your eyes. Farmville has taken the sub continent captive. Hardly a few left who hasn’t given into the temptation of online farming. The live feed section over flows with updates reminding you to adopt your friend’s lost calf, reindeer and sheep, asking you to fertilize your friend’s farm, congratulatory comments on your friend’s farming abilities.

Poking is equivalent to a, “Hey! Wass Up! Hows you doing conversation’’. Virtual gifts are regarded as thoughtful, commenting on photographs, liking status updates, adopting lost cows, attacking your friend’s profile by your home breed werewolves, updates on your friend list constitute of sharing and connecting with people in your life.

In short, Facebook might get on your nerves at some point. Then what do you do? You can shift your loyalties to the micro blogging site- Twitter. Deleting your facebook account is not such a wise idea. What if you could commit social networking suicide? You read correct. Online social networking suicide. Well, that’s when you click here.

I came across this via Swiss-Miss aka my favorite designer.

You ain’t alone. Many are fed up of social networking and turn to committing social networking suicide. Web 2.0 suicide machine lets you sign out of social networking sites as Facebook, my space and linked in forever. The idea behind Web suicide machine is that you will meet your real neighbors again!

“Liberate your newbie friends with a Web2.0 suicide! This machine lets you delete all your energy sucking social-networking profiles, kill your fake virtual friends, and completely do away with your Web2.0 alter ego. The machine is just a metaphor for the website which moddr_ is hosting; the belly of the beast where the web2.0 suicide scripts are maintained. Our services currently runs with, and! Commit NOW!” – Text from the site

Don’t wait or hesitate, its time to save your energy, calm your inner monologues when you see mindless updates and connect in real person, real time with the real world. Time to go say hi to your neighbor and friends than poking them.

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Afternoon Roar – My name is Khan

The much awaited trailer of the year is out, that of ‘My name is Khan’. The movie is slated for release in February 2010. The movie brings back India’s favorite on screen couple, Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol as protagonists. My name is Khan directed by Karan Johar. The movie produced by Dharma Productions and Red Chillies Entertainment has tied up with Fox Star Studios and Fox Searchlight Pictures.

The first trailer of My name is Khan posted on the film’s website, is 3 min 01 sec. Here’s a small review of the trailer.

The trailer is build on the foundation that there are two kinds of people. Those who do good deeds and those who do bad deeds. The trailer starts introducing the male protagonist of the movie, Rizwan Khan (Shah Rukh Khan). One minute into the trailer, Rizwan, an autistic man, makes a strong connection with the viewer. Impressive dialogue delivery and voice modulation by Shah Rukh Khan. Effortless on screen persona and presence by Shah Rukh Khan does breathe life into Rizwan. Rizwan meets Manidra (Kajol) and her son. They become one big inter religious happy family. The happy trailer then cuts to 9/11 and racial profiling. The family being from an inter religious background gets religious profiled. Rizwan decides to go to Washington DC to meet the President of the United States. The trailer showcases various events Rizwan endures during this journey. Rizwan’s journey is showcased with emotional packed scene cuts.

The trailer echoes visuals on the theme –

We are stronger than our fears
Greater than our limits
More than just a name

The trailer ends with Rizwan saying,

“My name is Khan and I am not a terrorist.”

Refreshingly different piece of work from Karan Johar. Waiting to see the movie. Yes, there are parts in the trailers where the cynic in me is wondering but since it’s completely unfair to judge the plot by the trailer. I shall not make skeptical judgments before seeing the movie.

Overwhelmed by the blues

Monday morning just has to be characterized by inconsolable sadness, evilness and drama. So much for thinking that Monday blues would be a thing of the past after I quit my job. Mere illusion. It’s replaced by a bigger devil – high intensity family arguments. The god knows when impending great Indian wedding does spark awful arguments and conversations. If our society didn’t over rate marriages to the zenith, there would be some amount of peace left in every household.

Is there any literature that captures the emotions during the whole process of an arranged marriage in India? The truth behind the big fat wedding, the designers, the glitz, the glam, before the couple is engulfed by true love. Something that’s in tune with reality, raw and not pseudo unlike Hindi soaps that have twisted/turned TRP inducing mindless plots on marriages and chick flicks/literature where you are single – Ms.Bridget Jones and find your match.

In case you have read something sensible and credible on arranged marriages in India, do drop in the author’s name and the book. Highly appreciated.

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Single..its the mingling thats troublesome

Being in your late twenties and uttering the words,

“I am single”

attracts a tumultuous volley of questions. The usual mindless cliché questions go like –

“Babe, don’t tell me you can’t find one guy. What about work or church?”

“I think you should make the first move. Don’t wait for the guy. This is the 21st century.”

“Are you doing your bit? Dress up ya. Some nice mascara drama. You should lure the guy.”

“Why can’t you go talk to the guy? It’s because you ain’t doing anything.”

There is never a dearth of advice – good, bad, ugly. It’s everywhere, given by everyone and it’s free. I feel advice should be charged to keep sanity alive for the person who is getting the free load.

My usual truthful thread of replies –

“Seriously, I can’t find anyone. No one. Everyone who is nice is already taken or gay.”

“It’s not that I am single due to an oath or a cult group. I haven’t met anyone.”

“Please, it’s just a crush. One way Love Street. I can assure you that.”

“If the guy is interested, he would come and talk.”

Few months back, I had a round table conference with another single friend on our current status. Trust me; there are very few people with whom you can have a sensible and sagacious conversation on single hood. We wanted to decipher why women like us – enterprising, well read and spoken, heavy interest in politics and foreign affairs, peaceful and affordable attitude and personality, practical, non-pseudo, intelligent, normal looking (we wouldn’t have made the cut for playing ET), spontaneous, credible amount of spunk, fun loving, mildly aggressive for the right reasons, active cognitive processes, inexpensive ego cradling, tolerant, loves simplicity and is garnished hmmm more like dipped with sarcasm would be single. PS I love cricket too. We had no history of violence or earth shattering crisis.

At the end of the discussion we reached a conclusion that men can’t handle women like us. Seriously, I ain’t on an ego trip it’s the truth.

More than a majority of the opposite sex often reads –
Enterprising – ability to choose/ experiment a new, fancy and delicious drink every time we go out
Well Read – read Cosmopolitan to check out the love-o-meter guide
Well spoken – ability to make aww so cute cuddle conversation sprinkled with self indulgent Ego tripping
Politics – office politics and thesis on Bruni and Jolie
Attitude – Anyone from Sex and the City
Personality – should alternate on clues/ change with social circumstances and surrounding people
Practical – weekends spent in the claws of venture capitalists as Fuga, F Bar, Blue Bar and the likes
Non-Pseudo – signing up to receive updates from Green Peace
Intelligent – has the perfect little black dress/ shoes and accessories
Spontaneous – pub/club hopping
Spunk – throws up and still asks for another drink

There is a dearth. Dearth of men, though riding high on the wave of globalization haven’t surrendered their grey cells. Dearth of men who haven’t forgotten that spontaneous means impulsive thinking, the way to charm a lady through conversations of politics, attitude means to be yourself, fashion doesn’t mean F TV but to understand textiles, texture and the art of design, practical also means not to be engulfed by venture capitalists every weekends.

I read this on twitter few days ago and it sums up –

For every idiot there is an equal and opposite gender idiot. Singles are people with incomparable intelligence.

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AFTERNOON ROAR – the ugly truth behind names

Below is an article that I have written based on my interaction with fellow statesmen. Being a Malayali, I have utmost respect for my state. The article is make you laugh at the same time educate.

Each year has its own style statement and quotient. This is not only reflected in music, lifestyle, cinema but also names. The style quotient for a year is directly proportionate to the names parents bestow on their children. Unfortunately, the most literate state in India didn’t follow any styles or artistic norms regarding naming conventions of Homo sapiens.

Kerala witnessed the birth of short naming conventions. Two syllable names were common. Common translates as every household. Hence, there was an Anu, Binu, Cinu, Dinu, Jinu, Sinu, Tinu in every household. Most of the names would start with the alphabet A as schools followed alphabetical name rolls.

Another trend I noticed is that most names end with vowels. Aju, Biju, Ciju, Jiju, Liju, Tijo, Cijo, Lijo, Rijo, Shijo, Bijo, Diju, Tiju, Juju, Mona were the commoners. The combination of short syllable names and vowels made the names sound pretty much like babble. It is like the Wicked Witch of the West would devour babies who were named beyond two/three syllables endings with vowels.

There was the three name trend. Three names – first name, second name and surname. The second name is that of the paternal grandmother if you are the first girl baby and paternal grandfather if you are the first boy baby. Second children inherit their second name from their maternal grandparents. Sounds sane enough, but the first name still followed the short syllabus trend. Don’t blame the parents, purely shortcomings of the English language.

Another notable trend was names ending with ‘son’. This gave birth to Dickson, Rickson, Godson, Ericson and more. The trick was to tweak every name with son to avert capture from the Wicked Witch of the West.

Love and affection was also displayed through names. Half of the mother’s name and half of the father’s name would most often result in tragic names. To illustrate further, father’s name is Mohan and mother’s name is Omana, the son’s name …any guesses…Mona. Imagine how he would explain the meaning of his name.

I have come across some very sweet people with the most horrendous names. This category includes names as Fly, Senti, Dicky, Dickson, Sweet, Simple, Smile, Joy, Glad, Glory. I will keep updating this list, that’s a promise. I have had the privilege of yelling out the names Fly and Senti in hostel. I think Dicky and Dickson would be valium addicts.

The naming trend on the above mentioned lines is so common in Kerala that a Glad or a Fly or a Jiju or a Dudu would never ever feel out of place till he steps out of his state. Once geographical boundaries are crossed they become a victim of heavy ridicule.

As a state with so much culture, art and meaning attached to our lives, I hope parents can give meaningful names to their children. Let the names be in any language- Sanskrit, Malayalam, Hindi, English, French, Russian. Pleasant and meaningful names would save these kids from a lot of ridicule.

Currently, the naming conventions are better, way better than the late eighties. I guess it is the eighties born unmarried malayali’s who are beleaguered by the naming convention. None wants to get stuck with a guy who has a sucky name.

The Land of Social Obligations for Faltoo Events Update 2

Few days back I introduced you to the land of social obligations for Faltoo events. Today I got an invitation for another random event. This was more vague and unnecessary than the first one. I wasn’t compelled just asked once to express my choice. I declined politely. Later amma and I debated about how jobless and insane people in Kerala are when it comes to attending Faltoo events. I fail to understand the joy people get from Faltoo events, incase you are wondering this one has no food!arrrrghhhh!