AFTERNOON ROAR – the ugly truth behind names

Below is an article that I have written based on my interaction with fellow statesmen. Being a Malayali, I have utmost respect for my state. The article is make you laugh at the same time educate.

Each year has its own style statement and quotient. This is not only reflected in music, lifestyle, cinema but also names. The style quotient for a year is directly proportionate to the names parents bestow on their children. Unfortunately, the most literate state in India didn’t follow any styles or artistic norms regarding naming conventions of Homo sapiens.

Kerala witnessed the birth of short naming conventions. Two syllable names were common. Common translates as every household. Hence, there was an Anu, Binu, Cinu, Dinu, Jinu, Sinu, Tinu in every household. Most of the names would start with the alphabet A as schools followed alphabetical name rolls.

Another trend I noticed is that most names end with vowels. Aju, Biju, Ciju, Jiju, Liju, Tijo, Cijo, Lijo, Rijo, Shijo, Bijo, Diju, Tiju, Juju, Mona were the commoners. The combination of short syllable names and vowels made the names sound pretty much like babble. It is like the Wicked Witch of the West would devour babies who were named beyond two/three syllables endings with vowels.

There was the three name trend. Three names – first name, second name and surname. The second name is that of the paternal grandmother if you are the first girl baby and paternal grandfather if you are the first boy baby. Second children inherit their second name from their maternal grandparents. Sounds sane enough, but the first name still followed the short syllabus trend. Don’t blame the parents, purely shortcomings of the English language.

Another notable trend was names ending with ‘son’. This gave birth to Dickson, Rickson, Godson, Ericson and more. The trick was to tweak every name with son to avert capture from the Wicked Witch of the West.

Love and affection was also displayed through names. Half of the mother’s name and half of the father’s name would most often result in tragic names. To illustrate further, father’s name is Mohan and mother’s name is Omana, the son’s name …any guesses…Mona. Imagine how he would explain the meaning of his name.

I have come across some very sweet people with the most horrendous names. This category includes names as Fly, Senti, Dicky, Dickson, Sweet, Simple, Smile, Joy, Glad, Glory. I will keep updating this list, that’s a promise. I have had the privilege of yelling out the names Fly and Senti in hostel. I think Dicky and Dickson would be valium addicts.

The naming trend on the above mentioned lines is so common in Kerala that a Glad or a Fly or a Jiju or a Dudu would never ever feel out of place till he steps out of his state. Once geographical boundaries are crossed they become a victim of heavy ridicule.

As a state with so much culture, art and meaning attached to our lives, I hope parents can give meaningful names to their children. Let the names be in any language- Sanskrit, Malayalam, Hindi, English, French, Russian. Pleasant and meaningful names would save these kids from a lot of ridicule.

Currently, the naming conventions are better, way better than the late eighties. I guess it is the eighties born unmarried malayali’s who are beleaguered by the naming convention. None wants to get stuck with a guy who has a sucky name.

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